Vibrations Magazine feature

I was asked to write a feature in March's Vibrations Magazine about how many Rock 'n' Roll cliches I'd fallen fowl of. Here's what I wrote;

Have you ever graffiti'd your own name/band logo anywhere?

I'd have to be pretty foolish to start scratching my band name all over venues as it is also my actual name; it's a bit too easy to see who did it. Also, whenever you see bloke's names written on pub walls they're usually followed by phone numbers and offers of blow jobs – which is not really what im trying to achieve.

Have you ever lost a band member after a fight?

Everyone involved in the Ric Neale musical universe is a lover not a fighter.

Has a rock-related injury ever prevented you from doing a gig?

I once slammed my hand in a car door and one of the fingers on my left hand swelled to the size of a piano – this made my guitar playing even worse than usual so I had to get a guy to dep for a while. I got very good at playing the accordion with one hand though.

Have you ever stolen another act's rider?

I supported the Bay City Rollers once. They weren't very nice to us so we stole their Pringles – instant karma.

Have you ever played to less people than are in the band?

A large percentage of the gigs I've done have been solo, so it'd be pretty damning if not even one person turned up. I'm safe in the knowledge that there are usually bar staff and bouncers to push the ratio in my favour.

Have you ever fired a band member half way through a tour?

Even if I had I couldn't tell you - What happens on the road stays on the road.

Has anyone ever been allowed into the band purely because they have transport?

We don't need transport; if we can't carry it on the train we don't carry it at all. No amps, no drum kits - One of the many benefits of acoustic music.

Have you ever thrown anything out of a hotel window?

No, but I always nick the sewing kit.

Have you ever given a demo to someone famous?

I played guitar for Jason Donovan for a while and he was interested in my stuff. I offered to give him an album but he demanded to pay, which was an impressive gesture considering how much he was paying me to play Stock, Aitken and Waterman songs to deluded housewives.

Have you ever used your position as a musician to blag something audacious?

I'm not much of a lothario, but I've enjoyed the company of some fine lookin' ladies who wouldn't have given me a second look if I was a web designer.